23 Weeks!!

Whew! I can't believe that the little monkey and I have already crossed the halfway point! And although I am not out of the danger zone (are you ever really?) I still find comfort in knowing that we have made it this far!
My little boy is a survivor, Chad and I went through alot in the months that I concieved, and weren't aware of the pregnancy at the time.
Our little one was concieved in December, what should be roughly days before I went in for my first procedure. I expressed to my doctor that I had just "Felt" pregnant. I had so strongly believed that I was pregnant just shortly before I found out that I had cancer cells. But she insisted that it was probably just a chemical pregnancy. So onward we went, I had my first procedure four days before Christmas. The day before Christmas Eve I began to have some heavy bleeding, I lost quite a bit of tissue, but I thought that it was normal.. I had one more procedure in December before my big one at the beginning of January. My doctor then told me that my cervix was weak and would need at least a year before I could start trying, which devestated me. Because I had so strongly felt and believed that I was pregnant before, I felt a loss and went into a depression that I couldnt explain, I was overwhelmed with all of the procedures and felt a little alone.
When I started getting sick in February I was confused.. but believed that had I been pregnant surely they would have been able to tell. She had told us to be safe and we thought we were, so when I was pregnant I was even more confused. I had been pregnant through every single one of my procedures, and then was lead to even more confusion when I had an extra undeveloped yolk sac along with my living baby in the ultrasound.
In most cases they refer to it as a vanishing twin, which was likely caused by too much stress on the embryo during the procedures. I was at first very angry, How could I express that I thought I was pregnant and her not double check... Then I came to terms with the blessing of it all. When we found out that the cells were at a stage 2-3 of 3, she told me that in six months time they would have been full blown active cancer. Its also possible to give your baby the cancer cells through the birth canal. So I had to remember that she saved my life, had she not done the procedures I would have been looking at Cancer treatment for myself and possibly my child by the time I gave birth. Or would have had to make the choice to terminate. This gave me no choice, which saved my life and my babys. Maybe there could have been another baby, and that would have been amazing. But I feel lucky to have taken care of what needed to be, and still have our little baby Boy alive and bouncing around.
Our Little Ryden is our survivor, he was somehow strong enough to make it through the months of stress, procedures and depression. There is a reason he is still here with us, and although I was in no way prepared for it, I would never take it back! Its still hard sometimes, my entire pregnancy has been a whirlwind of emotions, and I still struggle from depression due to the immence changes that happened in such a short time.I pray almost daily for the strength to hold myself together. There could still be complications with my cervix later in pregnancy, but I have chosen to look at the good and let come what may. Ryden has made it through everything with me thus far, and I truly believe he is holding gods hand every step of the way. God blesses us in ways that we never expect, I wasnt even sure that my body was capable of concieving children after all I had put my body through, so to be here at 23 weeks feeling my baby boy bouncing around inside of me I cant help but feel blessed. Cancer is a scary word, at any age, but it was a blessing. Every trial is a blessing, it just takes different eyes to see it that way.